she’s lovely, her hands are trembling because she was
moved by my love. My sorrow. Because no one has ever
loved her with this passion, because she is almost 20 years
old and yet if she died the next day, there would be no one
to mourn like I would. She knows I would still mourn after more
than 20 years. I fell in love with her because the firstthing I
had done to her was hurt her. I might of never noticed her
as a person if I had notseen the pain in her eyes. The time
came and I was waiting for her to leave. I didn’t wait.
I wasn’t really able to think about what was happening.
I was just there. When I went to drive to see her for the last
time, it didn’t seem like the last anything. I don’t remember
driving home. Unlocked the door, close all my windows.
Took a bath. I sat. I listened to the phone ring and went to
bed. It was that day again, and then it wasn’t. This was
several times happening. Sometimes I’d reach out to
touch her face so I’d know I wasn’t alone. Someone said
that the pain would go away but I’m not sure that’s where
I want it to go. It’s how I feel her most sharply, and without
it Every move I make echos because she’s not here to absorb
mee. I don’t like bouncing back at myself. An ex lover wants
your soul, wants your life then your death too. And you give it,
its the only way to feel anything again.It’s no event, It’s nothing
that happened, it’s just you. The anger and the beauty that
neverreally goes away. It’s not something you could wait
out as it disappears, nothing ever really just disappears.
My mind still clings to the image of her. Love grows far
beyond the physical person.It finds it’s deepest
meaning in her spiritual being, her inner self.
Whether or not she’s actually present Somehow it’s
important to mee. I just wish the people you want
the most, want you just the same. I wish the people
you were with for so many years are actually your
soul mates, are actually the people you do marry. I miss
being so comfortable knowing that she loved mee, thinking
nothing would tareus apart. She’s gone and I can’t do anything
about it. and thats the hardest part, is when you can’t do
anything about it when you know you want to and you know
you would if you could. But you’re happy, if she’s living her
life in happiness and in love,even if it’s not with you.
You’re happy, You’re happy because at least she’s still smiling.